Tomorrow is a holiday here, so Elmar will not be getting any mail until Friday. So, we have at least until Friday together. I am so happy to have him home, but I know he needs the rehabilitation to make his heart stonger.
People have been saying very insensitive things lately. He talked to his friend and old coworker on skype and she said that he has to watch out because since he had one heart attack he WILL have another one! WTF!? Who says that? Of course, i was in tears. I will be taking CPR and First Aid classes again, just in case. I need to know how to do CPR. I have had the training before, but it has been a few years now. It is scary to think that I may need it someday, but I am not the type of person to panic in situations such as these and if confronted I need and want to know how to use CPR.
I am also amazed at the way people react sometimes when we tell them about the heart attack. A lot of them ask him "what the fuck have you been eating" or "what the fuck have you been doing to yourself!" like it is entirely his fault that he had the heart attack. It makes me realize how much false information is out there. Could Elmar have made changes in his life to stop the heart attack, maybe, but what we know is that it is in his genetics and there is not so much we can do to change that. Of course, he is going to follow the doctors instructions and change his lifestyle, but sometimes heart attacks happen to the healthiest people. People assume too many things. It makes my heart ache.
I also had a major panic attack/crying fit when I was watching a television show and someone was in a hospital and on a respirator. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I just lost it. I am sorry my husband had to see me like that. I just was not able to control it. It is like a had a slight case of post traumatic stress. When I saw ELmar in the hospital, I cried, of course, but at the time...it is hard to describe, but it felt like I was watching from above the room, like I wasn't myself. It all seems too real to me now and it hits me hard, at least once a day.
I will need a vacation after this and I really need to take care of myself and paamper myself as much as I can while Elmar is in rehabilitation.


He is also great at goth makeup and wants to come along with us the the goth festival in May. Should be fun. He can help me style up!