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blckmagicrose
20 May 2009 @ 04:03 pm
My husband is still home. He has not gotten the letter about when he is due in rehabilitation. We are enjoying every second of our time together. :) He is at the doctor right now, getting his perscription filled and his mom is being kind enough to buy us groceries for the week. I could not go with him because I have two classes to teach tonight.

Tomorrow is a holiday here, so Elmar will not be getting any mail until Friday. So, we have at least until Friday together. I am so happy to have him home, but I know he needs the rehabilitation to make his heart stonger.

People have been saying very insensitive things lately. He talked to his friend and old coworker on skype and she said that he has to watch out because since he had one heart attack he WILL have another one! WTF!? Who says that? Of course, i was in tears. I will be taking CPR and First Aid classes again, just in case. I need to know how to do CPR. I have had the training before, but it has been a few years now. It is scary to think that I may need it someday, but I am not the type of person to panic in situations such as these and if confronted I need and want to know how to use CPR.

I am also amazed at the way people react sometimes when we tell them about the heart attack. A lot of them ask him "what the fuck have you been eating" or "what the fuck have you been doing to yourself!" like it is entirely his fault that he had the heart attack. It makes me realize how much false information is out there. Could Elmar have made changes in his life to stop the heart attack, maybe, but what we know is that it is in his genetics and there is not so much we can do to change that. Of course, he is going to follow the doctors instructions and change his lifestyle, but sometimes heart attacks happen to the healthiest people. People assume too many things. It makes my heart ache.

I also had a major panic attack/crying fit when I was watching a television show and someone was in a hospital and on a respirator. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I just lost it. I am sorry my husband had to see me like that. I just was not able to control it. It is like a had a slight case of post traumatic stress. When I saw ELmar in the hospital, I cried, of course, but at the time...it is hard to describe, but it felt like I was watching from above the room, like I wasn't myself. It all seems too real to me now and it hits me hard, at least once a day.

I will need a vacation after this and I really need to take care of myself and paamper myself as much as I can while Elmar is in rehabilitation.
 
 
blckmagicrose
05 May 2009 @ 09:24 am
I stepped on the scale this morning and I lost a kilo and a half. So I weigh around 107 pounds right now. Just a few days ago I was 110. :( I am eating as much as I can, but all the stress is still getting to me. What is something I can eat that packs a lot of vitamins? I am drinking milk and ate a banana this morning.

We are going shopping for Elmar today between visiting hours. Elmar's sister is going to buy him a gameboy with some easy games for him to play once he is out of intensive care. I am going to buy him a nice new bag, razors and clothing. It gives me something else to think of and focus on.

My strength through all of this has been Elmar's best friend Wolgang and his girlfriend Rita. They both talked to me on the phone for hours yesterday. Thank god for them because I would go crazy with just Elmar's parents.

He is going to be comming off the resperator today and will wake up today or tomorrow.
 
 
blckmagicrose
05 October 2008 @ 11:05 pm
I am so excited! My mom is going to be renting a house with a friend of hers in Gulfport, Mississippi. It is large enough to have a guestroom and a guest bath! Finally, we will have a place to stay when we fly to the US! Also, it is only eight hours from Dallas, Texas (where we hope to move in 2012), two hours from New Orleans, five hours from Houston, three hours from Shreeveport and a bunch of other cities I have always wanted to visit. I think we will be going on a major road trip early next year!!! :) I am nervous that Gulfport is right on the coast and prone to , but she is only renting not buying. I am glad my mom will be in driving distance when we move to Dallas! She still has not sent my package and promises to in the next week...but I am not holding my breath. She is much happier now that she is divorcing her husband and spending more time with friends. Let's hope it lasts.

I am a baseball fanatic...well, a Phillies phanatic to be precise and they just beat the Brewers! They just need to beat the Dodgers and they will be on their way to the World Series!!! I am sooooo psyched!!! It makes me happy. 

I am having such a relaxing day. It does not get better than this. I made and had a good meal today. We had homemade potato salad, had some of our AMAZING carrot cheese and yummy fresh bread. My baseball team won a very imortant game, my bunny is happy and healthy, Elmar and I are going to be watching the new show called Sanctuary while we have our cup of tea and the yummy cakes amwilson sent to me! My mom is happy and finally getting settled. Elmar is recovered from the flue. I have a job on the horizon. It has been a really good weekend.  I am so lucky!

I have a few fun projects for this week. I am going to make a homemade tomatoe sauce. Anyone have any recipes? I have found some on my own, but I was just wondering if anyone had any tried and true recipes. I am also going to make brownies this weekend. I am excited!!
 
 
Current Mood: relaxed
 
 
blckmagicrose
03 August 2008 @ 08:19 pm

I had a wonderful adventure today, but stupid me, forgot a camera! I could cry because the place a saw was so beautiful. It seemed right out of Lord of The Rings! It is a waterfall called Kesselfell. It was a long hike up a series of wooden bridges and stairs. It was sooooo beautiful. I am so happy to have been there. It was about a 30 minute walk to reach the top and then we took the long (but safer) way down which was about 45 minutes. It was so pretty! Damn, I wish I had pictures.

Yesterday was a lot less fun. I am in a very creative mode lately. I have visions of how I want to decorate my apartment, but I just cannot because no one has what I want. We asked for wooden letters or even small wooden signs and they said "no one wants that"! I DO!!!!! I will have to order online I guess...SIGH! I found this place that looks promising www.craftcuts.com 

So that was my weekend so far!

 
 
blckmagicrose
25 June 2008 @ 08:42 pm
Yeah, I am homesick. I get more homesick around the 4th of July more than any other time of the year. I am not sure why that is. It is not my favorite Holiday. I guess it is because it is the time when my family got together. We had very private Christmas's but our 4ths were always filled with lots of food, lots of laughs and lots of family. It sucks. I want to be home so bad. I cried last night because of it. It just sucks. I would be there right now if the tickets were not so expensive!!!

I also need advice. For those of you who saw the picture of me in my photo dump post, how would you style my hair?? I am not going to be able to dye my hair black for much longer. My hair is very damaged from it and it keeps falling out. :( The problem is, I had to redye all of my hair and not just my roots, because it was washing out all of the time. My hair is light brown with blonde highlights naturally. So, I think my hair is just too freaking light. So, I am going to dye it black twice more (for special occasions) and then do something else. It freaks me out because it is the only color I like and I just have no clue what to do with it. I can't do red. Elmar's ex had red hair and it was kinda her signature. I just do not want to go that route. So, all that is left is brown (blonde is a no go. bleaching is the worst thing you can do to your hair and if my hair cannot tolerate black dye then it will not be able to handle bleech). So...brown....blah. I just do not want to do brown. Any advice?? Also, what hair style?? Can I pull off bangs or not?? What is the shape of my face?? I can't tell. Blah. I just want my hair to be black! I hate it that my hair is unhealthy from all the dye though. This sucks.

Thanks for any advice!
 
 
blckmagicrose
15 March 2008 @ 11:41 pm
There was a meat factory in Canada with over 400 rabbits. They were shut down and now many need homes and care. I am trying to inform everyone so they can pass on the word! Here is the link. http://www.rabbitrescue.ca/ 

This makes me so sad....
 
 
Current Mood: sad
 
 
blckmagicrose
05 March 2008 @ 08:01 pm
I wish I could do something. Stories like these kill me. I thought the best thing for me to do would be to post this here so maybe some of you could help out some how! 29 rabbits were handed over to a shelter. They were all looking very bad and some had to be euthanized! They need homes, and money donations!!!

http://www.bunspace.com/forum_thread?tid=360

 
Tags:
 
 
Current Mood: sad
 
 
blckmagicrose
31 January 2008 @ 12:00 am
(I am just posting this to let off some steam, do not take it to heart, I am not going to actually do it.)

CAUTION: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE

Dear World,
  I am done. You have finally defeated me. I have done what I could to be a good person and do my best and that just was not good enough. Everything until this point has been too hard and the long road ahead of my looks like more than I can handle. So here, I stop.
   I look around me and all I see are people starving from lack of food, because SO many people are rich in this world. Money is evil. Money controls everything. I am not one of those starving people, but I cannot look at them any more. The only thing I can do is take myself out of this world and hope that the food I do not eat finds it's way to someone more deserving. I feel helpless to do anything else.
   People, every day, abuse animals, children, the elderly, for no reason and I can not do anything to stop them. I am powerless, becasue I have no money to change the world. I cannot even afford to bring my husband over to the US.
    I want the dream...a home, a family, a garden, a career, a happy life, and I know that does not come without struggles and hardhips, but my life began with pain and will end with it too.
    To my father...whoever you are, why did you have to rape my mother?? Why? You stupid cocksucker! I have no right to be here....created by your rapist sperm. I hate you and I hate myself because I am a part of you, no matter how much I try to deny it.I sometimes cannot look at my mother, knowing who I really am to her...the product of a rape. That is what I am...I should have been thrown in the trash, in a tight, black, plastic bag the moment I was born, so this hell would have never occured.
     I end my life with a bottle of pretty white pills that someone in Afrika deserves more than me.....bye. 

(again, not really doing this...but boy do I feel like it at the moment!)
 
 
Current Mood: Suicidal
 
 
blckmagicrose
21 January 2008 @ 09:07 pm
So, places to go this year...

In March, we may go to Vienna for a Gothic ball they have there and during the day we will do some sight seeing and visit the embassey for my new passport (about time!!!).

At the end of April, we hope to take a trip to London for shopping and some sight seeing! We will probably only spend three nights.

In May we are going to Leipzig, Germany for the Gothic Festival (Wave Gothik Treffen). This will be the second weekend in May. 

We want to visit the US in March, but we are not sure if we can or not. If we cannot go in March, we are going to go for the 4th of July to visit family in Pennsylvania.

In October/November for our anniversary we want to go to Dallas, but would like to fly to NYC as well. We will see how we can manage...

In December we will be going to the US for a conference for Elmar's company. We are not sure where they are holding this, but it has been in Chicago and Detroit. We are hoping it is somewhere nicer. ;) I am hoping it will be in Texas, New York, or Philadelphia.

In February next year, we really want to go to Athens, Greece for Valentine's Day.

In August, September, and the beginnign of October, we are just hoping to visit some spas and do a lot of swimming. We also may take a trip to Salzburg.

I REALLY hope we get to do all of these things. We are going to have a very full year.
 
 
blckmagicrose
20 January 2008 @ 08:10 pm

Hey everyone! I hope you are all having a great Sunday!! Elmar and I are being lazy and happy :) I love lazy Sundays!!! We did some laundry, ccoked a nice dinner and played with Ronin :)

I have been thoughtful to. I am thinking about pushing our TTC date back a bit. The BIG reason is because I want to have fun this year and do some crazy things with my looks and hair. I kind of want to get it all out of my system and enjoy more time with my husband (2nd reason). I want to feel more like I have done the crazy things I want to do and can then calm down and have baby. I will always be a little weird in my styles and dress, but this year is my last year to really be very creative without thinking of how it will effect my child. The third reason is, I want to have more education under my belt. If I get started with the online courses soon, I will be done with it by the end of the year.

The question is: How long of a delay?? I think until October or November. So, it will only be a few more months.

Maybe I will change my mind in the mean time, but I think it may be best for us if we wait just a little longer. One more anniversary, one more Christmas, just the two of us and maybe we can go to Greece for Valentine's Day next year.

 
 
blckmagicrose
17 January 2008 @ 09:24 pm

Sincer everyone else did it...

1. How did you meet your husband and how old were you? 
We met via the internet on April 24, 2005. I saw his post about Carl Sagan and that sparked an interest. I sent him an e-mail with a long conversation about Carl Sagan (in case you do not know him, look him up on wiki!) and we never stopped talking from that day on. He was 29 and I was 25 when we met on the internet. He spent his 30th birthday chatting with me online!! On July 6, 2005 we met in person and it was the best day of my life!

2. Was it love at first sight?
No, we actually did not see pictures of eachother right away. It was the end of May untul we sent pictures! We had more of  a intellectual connection first. When I saw his picture and he saw mine we were I think we were then in lust. ;) When we met in person on July 6th, it was instant love! The internet provided us with an inner look of eachother before we got to see the outside and although we love eachothers outershell too, it was the inside that connected us and I think that is cool!

3. How did you know you were supposed to marry him?
Very soon after we met for the first time, I was already dreaming of our wedding day!!

4. What was the first date like?
We met very late at the airport on July 6th. My mom was also there because she wanted to make sure he was "safe" lol! But, we had a nice dinner, Elmar had a shower and we went to sleep in eacother's arms.

5. Where did your first kiss take place?
On July 6, 2005 at Pittsburgh airport! It was magic!

6. Dating... local or long distance?
Long distance, though we flew back and forth a lot to see eachother.

7. Do you know everything there is to know about your husband?
I know a lot, but sometimes he surprises me. :) I love that!

8. Were your parents supportive of you when you started dating?
Yep!

9. Did you wait till marriage to have sex?
No. 

10. How long was it till you got engaged after you started dating?
6 months!

11. Long or short engagement?
1 year on the dot. We were engaged on October 28, 2005 and married October 28. 2006.

12. Did you write your own vows?
Nope

13. What was one of the things that attracted you to your husband?
He is so smart!! I can talk to him about things I could not talk to anyone else about. He is a bit of a geek like me! He also has a great style!

14. Do you believe he is your soul mate?
I am not sure soul mate is the right term, but we are definitely made for eachother!

15. Are you happy that you married him?
Yes!

16. Place your husband was born and date?
Graz, Austria on June 21, 1975

17. Favorite movie?
He would never be able to decide! A few favorites include; Das Boot, Star Wars, LOTR trilogy and Phantom of The Opera. (just a funny side note, I just asked my husband what his favorite movie was and he looked at me confused and said he would nevere be able to pick one! I know him so well)

18. Occupation?
Graphics designer

19. What is one of his favorite things to do on the weekends?
Sleep! Which, is what I like to do too!

21. Does he snore at night while sleeping?
Sometimes, usually when he has a cold.

22. What about farting in his sleep?
Never.

23. If you could go one place with him anywhere in the world where would that be?
Athens, Greece!

24. How often do you have sex?
At least four times a week! :)

25. Is he the best thing that ever happened to you?
Well, he says he did not "happen" to me that it was the other way around. I found him! So, I would say "finding" him is the best thing that ever happened in my life!

 
 
blckmagicrose
16 January 2008 @ 07:11 pm
1. Can you cook? Yes, I can cook,  but can I cook well?? Um...my husband says so, but I think I need a bit more practice. Cooking is still a lot of fun though!
2. What was your dream growing up? I wanted to be an astonomer when I was young and then later a Philosophy Professor with a Philosophy Ph.D. from Brown University!
3. What talent do you wish you had? Musician, playing any type of instrument. It is just something I never mastered.
4. Favorite place? Anywhere my husband is!
5. Favorite vegetable? Peas!
6. What was the last book you read? Currently reading: Shadow of The Wind
7. What zodiac sign are you? Virgo
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Ears twice, septum, lip, nipples and many more to come! I really want a tattoo as well!
9. Worst Habit? I can only list one?? Well, then I will say drinking too much Pepsi!!
10. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal? On CC
11. What is your favorite sport? Baseball (Phillies Rule!!!!!)
12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude? Pessimist more than an optimist.
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? Let's just hope that never happens, because it is one of my worst fearsm so you probably would not like me if this happened! I would be freaking out!
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you? Losing my grandmother a few months before I graduated highschool when she told me "I want to live to see you Graduate" just a few months before :(
15. Tell me one weird fact about you. There are so many weird facts about me, but you already know about my piercings, so I would say...I hate ticking clocks. The sound drives me crazy!!! Tic...tock...tic...tock AAAAHHHH!!!!
16. Do you have any pets? Yes! One cute little black bunny names Ronin (Ro for short)!
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena? I do not know, I think I erased it from my memory (Oh God! Now that song is in my head!)
18. What time is it where you are now? 7:28 pm
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? Scary
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? Bigger boobs!!!!
21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience? Hhhhhmmmm, probably conscience.
22. What color eyes do you have? Bright Blue :)
23. Ever been arrested? Nah, just had speeding tickets!
24. Bottle or Draft? Bottle, on the rare occasion I drink.
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? That would be money saved for a house in the US!
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? On the rare occasion that I chew gum, I like Juicy Fruit.
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at? Don't hang out at bars!
28. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes, but don't tell my sceptic husband that!!!
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Surf the net!
30. Do you swear a lot? Not as much as I used to but, I can curse like a sailor if I am being clumsy and hurt myself!
31. Biggest pet peeve? Stupidity
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself? Eccentric
33. In one word, how would you describe me? Peculiar :P
34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? Doing now!!!
 
 
blckmagicrose
11 January 2008 @ 07:35 pm
Meme  
This is a cool one!

1. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3. www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

1. My band name : Deep River
2. Album title : Cook and The Violinist
3. Album cover :


LOL!
 
 
blckmagicrose
05 January 2008 @ 02:39 am

So, CC is back up, or so it seems, but there are no journals??!!!

 
 
Current Mood: confused
 
 
blckmagicrose
04 January 2008 @ 09:55 pm

Hello everyone. I just want to start off this post by saying "I MISS CC!" Now, that is out of my system and I can move on to the real topic of this post.

A friend of mine that I met on CC was trying to find someone to help with her husband's website. I told her that my husband could do it and then she asked if I could edit his content! I jumped at the chance and have edited 20 of his reviews (it is a film review site). I am in LOVE! It comes so easy to me. It is like riding a bike. I need to do this as a career somehow!!! 

Some of you know that I will be taking Technical Writing courses online from Brookym College as soon as we get internet in our apartment. I am so excited about this. Editing for my friend has given me a friendly push in the right direction. A year from now I am going to have a certificate in Technical Writing and hopefully will find a great job!!!

I hope more of this type of editing comes my way! This job really gave me a boost!

 
 
blckmagicrose
03 January 2008 @ 09:28 pm

I am trying to challenge myself to read more and joined the CC 50 books in a year challenge!! That got me thinking about baby books!! 

QOTD: What pregnancy and parenting books can you recommend?? 

 
 
blckmagicrose
03 January 2008 @ 04:17 am
So, I have babies on the brain today! Here are few random thoughts:

Right now our favorite names are Aurora Vivian for a girl and Victor Carl for a boy! What do you think? Aurora is a name we both love and Vivian honors my grandmother and my aunt. We think Victor is a great name and easy to say in both English and German. Carl is after Carl Sagan. If you need me to explain, please ask me!

I am going to start taking prenatal vitamins soon. I am a little nervous about it because I get sick easily on vitamins and I have heard many women complain that prenatals make them sick :( Can anyone else share their experiences? I am thinking of starting them in April. 

I was messing around with due date calculors again! (yes, I admit I am crazy!) and here is what I came up with!

My last pill will be on Sunday July 20th!

If we get pregnant on the first try my due date will be around May 1, 2009!
second try my due date will be May 28, 2009 (two chances for a May baby!!! I would love that!)
third try my due date will be June 26, 2009 (a few days after Elmar's 34th b-day!)
Fourth try due date will be July 24, 2009
Fifth try due date will be August 21, 2009
Sixth try due date will be September 18, 2009 (a few days after my 30th b-day!)
Seventh try due date will be October 16, 2009 (I would love to have an October baby, but I hope it does not take that long!!!)
Eighth try due date will be November 13, 2009 (a Friday the 13th baby! I think that would be cool too!)

I will stop there because I do not want to jynx myself!

All the dates look great to me. Of course, my perioed my change after taking the pill and the due dates will be different. 

I am not going to chart. We are pretty much going off the pill and seeing what happens! We will chart if I do not get prgnant in the first seven months. 

Please start throwing advice at me!! 





 
 
blckmagicrose
02 January 2008 @ 12:56 am

I hope everyone had a great New Year. I have a recap of mine on CC, here is a copy:

I cannot tell you how relieved I am that it is the 1st of January. It feels good to be over 2007 finally!

We went out with our friend Jon. He is a cool guy. We went to his place first and I had a beer and two glasses of Champagne, but it was over a LONG period of time so I did not feel anything. Plus, Elmar and I just had pizza before we went. We hung out at Jon's place for four hours talking and then we headed to an industrial/goth club. It was ok, but it was soooooo full of smoke and my lungs are screaming today!!! We also tried to get a drink at the bar but the guy was from Turkey and did not really understand what we were saying. We wanted a vodka red bull and he tried to gives us two shots of vodka and a tiny bit of red bull. NAH! So, we just asked for a red bull and drank another during the night. We did not stay there long, but Jon was great and told us that he knows a lot of people but does not consider many people his friends, but we are his friends and are welcome to come over any time.

He is a fashion designer and wants to design a dress just for me. He is also great at goth makeup and wants to come along with us the the goth festival in May. Should be fun. He can help me style up!

So that is how I spent the last day of 2007 and the first day of the New Year

So it was not too exciting, but it was the best New Year's Day I have had in....well, it is the best one I remember! So, that must mean it is a start of something great!!!

It is a tradition in my family to eat Sauer Kraut and Pork on the first of the year for good luck and it is the first time I have done that in many years. Maybe it will help make this year great!

 
 
blckmagicrose
01 November 2007 @ 07:52 pm
Here is a post from my CC journal that I thought I would copy here.


Hello everyone! I am feeling much better and more focused today. I needed a nice day off, I guess. Elmar and I were talking, and we have a better feel for where we are and where we are going. When the apartment is sold, we will pay off some of our debt and will $20,000 in savings. That is a nice start for a down payment on a house in the US Also, Elmar has a lot of projects starting at the beginning of the year that will give us even more savings. If we can at least double our savings by this time next year, we will be in a good place. Right now, it is a perfect time for us to buy a house. The dollar sucks against the euro. So, the more euros we have in our pocket, we will have even more dollars! Plus, houses are getting cheaper. IF we do not think we will have enough money to buy a home by this time next year, we are going to make this our home for a little longer and make a baby! So, either way, next year is going to be a happy year for us. I am going to quit my job and focus on learning German and take my technical writing courses. Elmar is going to support me and work hard on getting us a house in the US. If that doesn't happen, we will start trying for a baby this time next year. Not a bad plan either way.
 
 
blckmagicrose
15 September 2007 @ 08:50 pm
TO MEEEEEEE!
 
 
 
 

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